Rebecca Bourke

Daniel Milton coined “the Double Empathy Problem.” this describes the fact that when two people with vastly different experiences of the world interact, they will have difficulty empathizing with each other.

I cannot tell you how many times I have been told the myth that neurodivergent people do not have empathy. I even heard it from lecturers on my course to become a psychotherapist. Meanwhile, one of the most, let’s say memorable, experiences I had as a client was a counsellor interrupting me, as I told him something I found deeply distressful, to ask me “What would it feel like to look at me while you say that?” . Very likely a fair question had it been better timed. I later watched a prominent Youtube Therapist say in a video that if a client doesn’t make eye-contact with her that it stops her being able to feel connected to them. Who were the people struggling to feel empathy in these interactions?

Finding eye-contact overwhelming is just one example of the ways that neurodivergent people can experience and exist in the world differently. You should not have to behave in a neurotypical manner for your therapist to empathize with you. I know that it is essential to work with a therapist who feels empathy for you, and I believe that it is therefore important to work with a therapist who either shares some of the lived experience of your neurotype or who has done a great deal of research and exploration to better understand and empathize with people of neurotypes that are not their own.

You can read a full explanation of the double empathy problem here, as well as further implications of the problem.